just between us...

nice is the enemy of passion.

i was taught from the time i was a little boy to be a nice boy. people would tell my parents, "oh, matthew is such a 'nice' boy!" my teachers would write, "he's such a 'nice' kid." friends have often described me as being, "a 'nice' guy." really? is that it?

society and the church have done me a disservice. i'll admit it. i'm nice.
i am a nice guy.
i do nice things.
i say nice words.
i act nice.

nice is the enemy of passion. i don't want to just be known as a "nice" person. honestly, look at history. what "nice" person in history changed the world, or called people to something bigger than themselves? what "nice" person really did something big in life?

nice is the enemy of passion. you see, christians have been told to be nice. we've been told we should turn the other cheek and not make relational ripples, but the problem is we become passive instead of passionate.

we compromise what is right for what feels right.
we keep our mouths shut when we see a need for change.
we become relational doormats that don't ruffle feathers.

so, how do we change this? how do we take our "nice" little lives and change them so they become more passionate? here's what i'm thinking - live with intention.

nice is passive.
passion is intentional.

when i love - i want it to be intentional and sacrifical.
when i show compassion - i want to be broken and affected.
when i challenge people - i want to call them to something bigger than themselves.
when i speak up - i want to change people's thinking and maybe upset them in the process.
when i speak encouragement - i want it to be full of truth.
when i see sin - i want it to be black and white.


i'm tired of being nice. nice never gets you anywhere. at the end of my life i don't want someone to say, "matt beres was such a nice guy." instead, i'd rather have someone say, "matt beres lived every day with passion."

there's a huge difference.

so, i don't usually watch dancing with the stars, but with these two new contestants i just might start...

(click to enlarge)

went to catalyst conference last week in atlanta, ga. if you've never been, or you've never heard of catalyst you are missing out. seriously, the best conference i've ever been to.

catalyst has a history of famous, amazing speakers that give their thoughts to church leaders. maybe you've heard of andy stanley, john maxwell, franklin graham, or erwin mcmannus. these guys are amazing and have definitely helped shape the church. they have a ton of insight and they have great ideas to share.

this was my first time to catalyst and i noticed something neat. they are getting more and more young speakers. you know, people like me. about 1/4 of the speakers were under the age of 35 and they are doing amazing things in the church. i was challenged.

during steven furtick and matt chandler's talks (both young guys pastoring churches) i felt the burden of leading. i mean, i am the future of the church. people my age.

funny thing is...andy stanley bluntly said this idea in his final talk. he basically said that if you are over 45 it is your job to move out of the way and mentor and cultivate the younger leaders in your church. wow. that's huge.

needless to say catalyst had a huge impact on me. i'm just starting to unpack it all, but it's gonna be good.

i listened to a message by tim keller yesterday. it is significant - significant enough to blog about it...

a good talk - with good purpose.

the gospel doesn't only send you deeper into the heart of god, but it also sends you deeper into the heart of each other. you see, as christians we have (should have) a deep desire for relationship, or connection with each other. many times we try to deny this because it's too hard, too vulnerable, takes too much work, or you don't want to come across as needy. in reality, the need for each other and the desire to connect is a sign of spiritual health. if you're content to live on your own little island and not get messy in relationship with anyone there is a real, serious, spiritual problem.

i mean, think about it. in the beginning god created adam. adam had the most intensive devotional/quiet time with god, but for some reason god saw this as a problem. there was a real problem when adam only connected with god. so, god made eve. interesting, huh?

according to keller; friendship love is the hardest love to create and maintain. why? because there are no sociological or biological pressures - you can just walk away at any time. you see, you will forever be connected to your family through biology and our cultural family structures. you will forever be connected to your significant other because of hormones and biology. but, a friend is someone in which there is little to no pressure to connect.

why is friendship so hard? well, to be a good, deep friend it takes sharing. sharing a few important things in your life.
things. money, food, home, etc...
experiences. shared stories and experiences.
time. sacrifice an amount of time to invest in each other.
emotions. you have to share what you are feeling.
common interest. keller proposes that this is christ.
shared decisions. this is the decisions you make in your life that are important. exhortation - pressuring and pushing each other to grow.

bottom line. friendship is based on two people with the same goal in mind. spiritual friendship is based on two people worshipping the same lord.

how are you doing in the friendship area? we need each other. we were designed to need each other. are you allowing people to speak into your life and be deep friends?

i'm reading up for a meeting i am running tonight. we're talking about pacing, then leading with teens (and each other). point being that it is easy for us to get close to teens (and each other), but the issue usually comes when we know we should challenge others.

listen to this...

"when we face challenges and struggles bigger than we are it matters less who is cheering for us in the distance and matters most who is alongside us in the midst of the battle."

phew! if you know me you'll understand this... for too long i've worried about, given attention to, and prioritized the people cheering for me in the distance always assuming the closer people would be there when i needed them. lately i've given more thought to the people who are already running alongside me. i've been trusting them more and letting them have insight into my battles.

we really can't worry about all the people who are cheering for us in the distance. sure, it makes us feel good about ourselves and might give us a boost of encouragement every once in awhile, but really we need to cherish and value the people who have been - and will continue to be - alongside us in the battle. they are the people we should allow speak into our lives. they are the ones who should get our three hour blocks of time. they are the people who should get our affection. they are the ones who become a part of our family. it is all about priorities people.